Letters to Jaanu 31st May 2024

Hey JAANU ,

New month started with new subscription (friend) and the way bharya subscription ended wasn't good.

Dear J,

I AM SORRY for whatever happened today and putting u in that position..i really didn't knew u aren't comfortable for vc in public as in these 4 months v spoke in vc in public many times..and baba please say No to me if u r not ok. 

Hope u liked the memorable ppt i made. It was our beautiful journey together in these 2 months as GF BF, bharya bhartha ❤️ Don't feel bad kano bharya bhartha mein chote mote jagda ho jaata hai but the thing is my soft J se i wasn't expecting harsh words and tone so R is shattered.

From yest night i was feeling a part of mine will be gone..its been close to 130 days(jan 22 se) v r talking to each other daily and from 100 days seeing each other..

J, i know dear u working hard so u can enjoy the world with me.. J wat i say wen u don't prioritise me is v don't live with the moments kabhi kabhi like working hard for future endeavours where v loose ourselves in the present...so balance karna padta hai and today work was imp i agree..

J please never compare wat each other did for each other re kabhi ...feels like a favour ya making adjustments for each other... Jo bhi karte hai ek dusre ke liye should be mann se and kabhi bhi batana nahi.. sorry if ever i made u feel u r not doin enough..u were going to justification mode ..

My jaaanu please take care of your health.. its been hectic from few days..sleep eat exercise, enjoy with all...jips with diarrhea miracle baby hopes gone...

Its long flight for u..12 hours...i ws wishing kaash hum dono were traveling together..

Last week was dancing with u in bllr and was time to leave..its been a week u left.. just 1 week alredy feeling like a month...J one more thing I wanted to say wat u said yest wen P departed ur soul also died with guilt .. even AC in guilt all his life.. guilt feel karne se kuch nahi hoga re..few things already written in destiny cant be changed...

I want my J to be happy forever..hope amma gets saree by tmrw...i wanted it there while u were home.. please share pic once amma receive it.hope she likes it .

Tmrw is p bday, my stupid J..i never thought a guy who holds b , lift me up in public, kills in public itna PDA oriented hai tho not comfartable with VC wen people around...i ll try not make u uncomfortable ever..

See u soon.. ur shakuntala ll be waiting with the ring..

Lots of kills and hates,.

Good night J 

Bharya😍

Letter to Laddu 28/5/2024

 Hey Laddu 

i could have planned to have that 30 mins with you . I agree. but you were with me in that call from where i could have pulled the 30 mins from that call. if stepped down you suggest that some one else could have stitch that call together. With pappa he was ready since 4:30 to go out, every 10 mins he was asking can we go as we agreed to leave by 5 PM.  yes i could have told him that i have a call until 5:30 , something urgent. Yes it didnt came to my mind. i thought i could call and tell you that even we planned to connect at 6:30 , because of the call it couldnt happen and i wanted to go now, Pappa is waiting. 

Yes, i agree you could have done the other way, but i could not. i couldnt put you first and find some time for you even because of the damn call. 

and you are finding this instance as my priority ranking for you. yeah i failed this and may be not even in the rank list. i have no excuses this time. i accept that i put other things/people ahead of you. i put you down. i have no excuses and no reason to explain what i did. 

i am sorry for making you feel this way. you dont deserve such treatment. May be you are showing the side of me where i realize that i dont value my dearest people as much as i say. when the slightest stress point comes then i jeopardize them. i may need to reevaluate my priorities and do it on a constant basis. 

thank for teaching me this today. Hope you can give me one more chance to show that how dear you are to me and how i regard you. How i cherish you , may be i am not able or some times not trying to show it. 

May be i am also a taker actually and not a giver , i think. 

It is true that something related to work comes in i just ignore you or treat you some times like a stranger it happened couple of times. I know it is not a virtue of mine. May be i am not a pleasant experience to work with or even to live with. I am surviving a relationship with M cause it is long distance, if i start living with her, we will split up for sure. i am loner and may be that is what i will end up as. May be that is what suits me too. I dont deserve love cause i dont appreciate it . i run away or turn my face when people show me affection. i dont recirprocate . i am just another parasite who just drains the affection and get fatten up. 

i guess eventually you will get fed up off me and call it a day cause all i am giving you is disappointment and grief. All the efforts you put in today i didnt even acknowledge it.  

i have nothing else to say other than an Apology ( which i am doing daily these days). 

i dont deserve you.. 

bye 

J 

Letter to Laddu 27/5/2024

Hey laddu 

It is my normal self to get stressed while working on unknown items. it gets shown in my face. yeah may be i was trying to address few critical items hence i was stressed. Need to work on it. 

Also if i stay home and eat amma food my cheeks just bulge up that is also normal thing. i shaved today to get that bulged look better. 

you are in my thoughts always. i might loose your proximity for a  short period of time. now i am just wishing and almost praying that C9BRE do not respond so that i have a solid reason to come back on july and then i can be with you again. And i am keenly looking towards getting my Masters get going so that i can trave for my exams and that could be the perfect cover or on Sept i can come stay there for a week and work from there. i can say as part of the new role i need to work from there for few days. 

anyways, until HSBC can keep me i can hand around in SG and i can be in around you always. 

Talked to M for some time. She wants to have a house warming party right on Jun 1st itself. M is tired setting up the place. Fonz was setting up this bed and bedframe by himself it seems. good for him. M dont have a bed yet and may be sleeping in the floor until the frame is delivered. 

my butt is hurting and dont want to sit longer. will get some sleep . 

Nyt Nyt Dear 

Love and Hugs 

J

Letter to Laddu 26/4/2024- Part 2

 Hey Laddu 

I hope you got to spend quality time with M & Jr. i know you will be busy with week just like me in moving stuff around. Good luck with that. 

my experience when i was dating M and still having Chi Chi with P was really weird. i was with P but in my head i was imagining M. but not always i guess, i tried to shake it off most of the times. but yeah it was hard. But i didnt get into guilt that i am doing it to P. Me and M never discussed this part that, May be i told her once or twice that i have her in my mind. anyway at that time she was not serious about me. but i think almost 1 year i was doing it with P,i think until the Goa Trip. 

it is my mistake i should have warned you even more about this dilemma you may get into. but then i found that you are sorted in this matter the way you spoke to me then. i was also thinking ( pardon me, i know what you have for me is completely different and i am not judging you) you had did it with AC hence you can manage it without much conflict( I guess). Anyway i take the blame for putting you in such situation, i should have spoke to you more on this topic. Feeling you experiencing something which i also  struggled to pass through is bit painful for me too. i can relate to you but i am not able to do anything about it for now. 

i dont have any words to console you and make you feel alright. All i can do is pray for you to endure this phase and come out of this strong. may be this is the biggest consequence of the choice you made to have a connection outside M. you gain something but you may lost some part of you at the same time. 

i was not switching and all about work. i wanted to tell you about it when i saw Mayank's email in the afternoon but i couldnt find time to tell you that. Also I want to give a heads up that i need our help in advance cause sometimes you say that not informed earlier. i dont know just trying to let things told on time. i agree you were not in the mood to listen to it. but i just felt like saying . 

If you come to London now you have car to travel around. plan a trip soon . 

take it easy R my love my Laddu 

It is what it is

Hugs ( pyar wala) 

J 

Letter to Laddu 26/5/24

 Hey my Laddu 

managed to send back the shoes today .A while ago courier guy came to pick it.  

I know you might be busy packing. i will be doing the same this week also once i am back . first in SG and next weekend in London too. M have completed the half of the painting rest she might do today.

i have not heard back from CBRE yet and i am not sure i need to follow up with them again. will email them again may be towards the middle of the week . 

Dear, you did asked me what if i have to settle down in UK and get busy there, will i still come looking for you or will i forget you. My answer is that you should know by now that whenever i might get an opportunity i will always run to come look for you. i will only pray to lord to give you patience. Also for my energy and good jobs to save money to make those adventures happen. i really believe we will get to explore this world together more. 

Dear, i would have sticked around and orbited around you if i got to meet you few years ago that is true. but then i have committed to some one and i dont want to hurt anyone in any more. i will make sure i have a credible story for any trips i will make to come see you. The last impression i want to leave with you if i dont come often to see you is that my love for you is waining. please dont ever think like that. 

it is just that i want to keep our connection going and i dont want to take any risks which could damage your status quo.

i will be sharing my stories, every single bit happening in my life, you will be my go to person to share not only my grief but also happiness. 

why i dont say love you back often. i dont know why, may be cause i am thinking i have not done enough to equal the love and passion you have for me. when you say you would choose me over M and i am not able to say the same to you. i have crossed lines before and i dont have the courage to do that again. 

for the sake of saying i dont want to say it also. but you must know i value you the most and i am lucky to have you. May be i am also stupid in choosing my words and expressing myself. 

My heart and mind is full of the memories from the past few days. I just felt i lived by younger days with you. each moment was special while i enjoyed your presence and love. 

For me connecting physically is also way of expressing love. It is not two seperate thing as lust or love. 

when i touch you i touch with the utmost love and care i have for you. everything i do is to make you feel comfortable and happy. yes there were moments where i indulge just for myself but then that is cause you allow me to enjoy too. 

Laddu my bharaya, it is going to be tough emotionally . Coming days might drain energy out of our connection as we may be disconnected. we might question the purpose of such a connection where we are not able to connect as much as we want. but i can say for me, even if dont talk to you or see you for days or months, one word from you saying that i am in your thoughts is that more than enough. i will be always having my heart looking out for you and hang around.

i dont know dear what future awaits for us but i will just take it one day at a time and prepare my mind for what it brings. 

thank you for you love my bharya

Love Love 

J

Letter to Jaanu 25th May 24

 Nanna Bhartha,

I m lying on bed and all 4 days flashing by, in a trance state maybe..mixed feelings re.. remembering all the moments i get smile.. thinking why didn't i meet u 2 years before makes my eyes wet. The way u asked me twice 'jaana hai kya? Jaana tho nahi hai but option nahi hai..

No confusion on who am i now after my J put the ring on my hand on 24 May 2024. In whatever form i m his bharya..that is my truth with respect to u..u r my soulmate (bestie, p on bed, lover, bhartha). U asked me u might not be available always and will i  the patience to wait.. ofcourse i ll wait..wait for u to come and hold me ,make love with me..

U asked me u ve any speech yesterday..no speech but wanna make few promises:7 phere ka 7 vachan...:

1. All the intimacies physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, social i will have with u fully like 100,% till the end.

2. U ll be the 1st person to know about all big things happening with me and u will be the one i would approach when i need something. And i want me to be the 1st one u should call when u r in ur worst ya pain 

3. I could see joy in ur eyes re..the happiness i could witness atleast few times in real.. thankful..and feel so happy that i m the reason for that happiness..as a bharya i wanna see u growing..be parr of it and stay there during ur thick and thin.

4. I wanna take care of u always and support u..be it in small opportunity i get( like ordering poli for u and keeps it in ur bag for u to eat during travel).

5. I will try my best not to bother (pareshan karna) u kabhi..

6. Wanna shower endless love and l*st with small occasions ya opportunities i get with u..

7. Just wanna stay as urs forever

Yest this time u were chipake the mere saath...next week by this time u ll be in UK... i ve these 5 days only until u come back .

I m sleepy now.

Good night J

Letter to BM 20/05/24

 Hey Laddu 

Please Ignore the discussion we had. I was trying to brainstorm options of  whether we can stay longer with out getting into trouble. 

I know we are treating each other special and it can be only done with the expense of our connection with our Ms . 

I ate your head today . Sorry about it .

love you 

J

Letter to BM 19/5/24

Can I say what I am just feeling this moment .. 

I am dying to hear a word from you.. I typed this and you called me . It was like oxygen for me . Thank you .. 

I don’t want to be this vulnerable and weak in your absence . This is not the plan . 

Need to take you as my fuel , my strength .. not to make feel like a big void .. not healthy .. 

may be it is just a momentary thing, just terribly missed you .. couldn’t even speak or chat to you …  need to refocus and not dwell on this thought .. 

I wish I have constant access to you re ,, don’t want this wall kinda of thing  between us .. it hurts ( atleast once in a while ) .. but it is ok , i will manage .. 

Random Notes 18/5/2024

 Hey Laddu 

i saw some mark around M's Neck and for a moment i thought it could be bite marks, she called to talk in video before going for a party. but then her skin is sensitive may it could be something related to that. i dont want to dwell on it. i found her so pretty in the dress she wore for the party. 

R me talking about M and it will happen regularly moving forward and it may include many intimate conversations too. i dont want you to feel odd about it. I hope not. 

i wish you could find peace with your connection with M. All i just feel that he is distracted due to his work. he could be back on track once you guys move to new place and he have more time to spend with you guys. I am glad you are expressing your connection issues and i think it is quite naturel and i pray that you will be able to manage it . 

i am trying to read as i could find some time cause the books i bought was left in a corner and i just found them. May be i will carry them home and leave it in our book shelf. 

i am looking forward to the adventure next week. even though i am taking a break i hope it wont affect the flow of the Kofax works. I hope i can manage to talk to the team or leave some notes before i log off on tuesday. 

the dream i had was bizarre, i dont know why i had such a dream( chased by an elephant) . but i am gonna ignore it or the meaning associated to it . 

It was great to see you bonding with Junior at the park. 

Ethen had a interschool football game and he is bit sloppy and cocky, as in he does everything else ( pushing others, doing fouls) rather than playing the game. he got the attitude of my elder brother i guess. i guess i will get to spend some time with the kid to put some sense on his head. i hope so. 

i got first contact from CB*RE asking for my Insurance number with my hiring manager in CC. i hope everything is in track. 

let me tell you a story of where i did some mischief from child hood 

so there was this interschool quiz competition. there was adjacent classrooms but it was a old school building it is not sound proof even if there is full wall between the rooms. the quiz started at the same time in both class rooms . i knew most of the answers, but even though in between if i could listen closely i could hear the quiz master from the other class room was saying the question and answers for the question . our class quiz master was just asking the same question in an order. i could hear a few answers from the other class and i answered. i dont know why others didnt realize it. and yeah i got the first price. 

thinking about it i feel not much proud about it. i kind faked my success there. 

Letter to BM 18/5/24

 Hey bharya

About my bharya 

My bharya is a gem . She is vere level and unique piece .

She love with all her heart and her love know no bounds .

She raise high in love and melts down with passion.

She is sensitive and sensible . She hold no pride and always kind . She argues but not to win but just to be heard and loved more . She don’t want much but just 

Few words of affection. She is a giver and in return she 

Only like to take a few words of appreciation.

She is quick to tears but also quick to make up .

She dress up for me , she live her days for me.

She tease me and I am turned on by just lookin at her 

She brings out the kid in me and shown me there is more to life that what I have settled 

She  is my adventure , my home and destiny 

She love with all her heart 

She takes chances in finding what she wants

Even her past scars don’t stop her 

He Love is my strength 

I wish I can be worthy of her love 

Be the man who can give her the best 

Letter to BM 17/5/24

 Hey Laddu 

Just want to tell you that 

When I look at your eyes 

Everything feels quit not normal 

I feel weaker and stronger at the same time 

I feel excited but at the same time terrified 

But the truth is 

I don’t know exactly what I feel 

But I know what kind of man what I want to be 

Above are borrowed words but it is literally true in my case . 

Letter to BM 16/5/2024

 Hey Laddu 

It is right that i also feel at times i am giving an impression that i am saying bye bye or go on every time you call me. my bad, it was not intentional.  

May be i am just taking the moments we have now for granted as i am thinking we will have this moments again. but thinking about it , yeah it wont be the same after 2 weeks. May be it has not sink into me yet. 

Was talking to Amma and she was saying that while talking to D she told D that , "anyways the job was hard for you it is ok that you had to discontinue" . Amma mentioned then that after saying that she remembered a story of mine in the similar line ( trying to console). 

Here is the story 

this was when i was like 10 or something i don't clearly remember . At that time Pappa finished his Expat life and was trying to settle down in our village. we had a small boat and associated items such a Nets and stuff. During Monsoon seasons sea will be very rough but we still go out to sea for fishing even though there is many risks to life and properties. So the story started on one such monsoon day and it was raining cats and dogs. i came home from school and found my amma crying in loud voice in the hall on the floor. 

i was kind of shocked as i have never seen her like this before. i asked someone around what really happened  and came to know that earlier that evening our boat had a near miss incident but we lost the nets( which is bit expensive). Now Amma kept on crying on loud mouth and i could not take it. i think i started crying to. But i really wanted to console her. i really wanted to tell something to make her feel better. i dont know what to say. i dont remember what i was thinking. it appears like, then , i went to her, sat beside her and hold her hand and said. " Amma, please dont cry , let the nets go, because i got Tooth decay eating all the fish we got from those Nets. It is ok we loose it" . Amma stopped crying, looked at me and started laughing it seems, i dont actually remember. but it should be true cause, The whole village/people around that time remembers the incident now also and still make fun of me.

i am gonna sleep now 

Nyt Nyt Laddu

Hate you 

J

Letter to BM 15/5/24

 Morning B

Next week this time you will be in my arms . 

Letter to BM 14/5/2024

 hey laddu 

New song , I hope you listened 

O sajni re
Kaise kate din raat
Kaise ho tujhse baat
Teri yaad satave re
O sajni re
Kaise kate din raat
Kaise mile tera saath
Teri yaad…

I am not stressed about work. It is my normal way of pushing I guess. I can slow down once N picks up( which I think he will do once the project is completed).  I can try to hide my frustration that is all I can do. 

Amma was terribly sorry it appears for not Able to handover the parcel back cause I asked her help with that. she gave me a 20 min explanation on how she took care of it and made alternate arrangement when she was out. Again sorry the pick up was missed. 

Thanks for the shoes dear. It is Tad expensive but I liked it. 

I will sleep now dear

Hate you 

J

Letter to BM 13/5/24

 Hey laddu 

Hope you had a good and safe journey . Are you going to work today.

I am on my way to get the ID card replacement. Took train and can come back on time to start my work . 

ID replacement .  Now I have everything back except the card holder . I was the first one in the counter not much people in the morning or not many with lost cards may be 😂. Taking train home . I will be on time 

To be updated 

An open letter

 Hey Laddu ( I am just pouring my heart out here, dont think that this is to hurt you or something)

I know it is not fair to ask you the question of me coming back or staying there. It should be my choice. 

I wish we can talk about us more in detail during 4.2. 

I can see that we dont have a destination which is common for us. we are in two journeys which are set on its course. changing the course could be catastrophic for many. 

I always think that we are on a fairy tale. we are doing and experiencing things which are well beyond our liberties I can see that both of us want this to continue forever. we are thinking and staying on our own fantasy world and not thinking too much about what is yet to come and how that will shape us. 

For me, I want you with me in this journey and I wish to experience everything with you . but that is the biggest dilemma and pain point.  I know we cant have both in the long run in continuous basis. I also find my connection with M is kinda fading a bit. I am appearing as an emotionally and also physically unavailable person to M.  I am not 100% with you or not 100% with M either. I am pretty sure you are in similar lines too. 

I am thinking what is best way to manage this moving forward. 

It is the unknowns which bothers me . let me list down a few to ponder together 

1. If I go now will I be able to meet you often ?

2. If Yes, How often it is possible , once a year or twice, will that be enough ?

3. If I go now then will I be able to come back after two years ?

4. Can I Come back on July to SG ?

5. If I stay there how can I be in touch with you? blogs mostly, will that be a struggle ?

6. the connection we have will struggle ever ? are we going to drift ? 

7. How are we going to exhibit that we are just freinds to others ?

8. how we will be available for each other

hmm I only have questions

ok, let me not dwell on this anymore. I am going to go that is good for now. what future holds, let's see it when it comes to that. 

I love the New PC . It almost gives an Apple Experience. Sometimes even better.  i hope i can set up the VDI sometime this week and may be also if possible setup the New company VDI also in this PC. let us see how it goes. 

i will give my macbook to Fonz . he Needs one once he starts the college. hope he can manage with it. but it wont be good to run any 3D graphics or something. May be he can upgrade it later. 

Letter to BM 10/5/2024

 Hey Butter Milk 

I wish I could enjoy my time at the shop a bit more. but yeah I dont wanted to buy cause it was not a good experience for me or couldn't enjoy those moments with you. will do it sometime in the coming days. 

I have a busy Saturday tomorrow. hope to finish all the bookings and park that aside. 

Bro got a one time Jig as an usher for a function. it is bit faraway but it pays like 23D/hr for 7 hrs including fuel . I guess it is ok. but it is just a one off thing. Jo always sharing be some franchise details and thinking about starting something. that fellow will definitely become a business man soon. 

I need to go meet Maneesh some time next week.Need to call him. its been a while. may be I will go office for few days next week to catch up with Rajan too. 

I know you will be busy tomorrow and Sunday . I will let you be. I will try to catch up on my readings a bit.  hope your throat condition will stabilise just wonder where it came from though. please stay away from Jr. 

that was a short brief of my day. 

You take care 

Hate you 

J

Letter to BM 9/5/2024

 Hey Laddu 

I can see that Kofax project is getting into a track now as all the teams are now onboarded and have all the parties engaged. I can see NP is running at times like a lost person and may need to step in bit deeper to keep the ship right. he dont have the tech or even PM skills which just surprise me. next time I am not going ahead with just the CV but ask basic PM questions to make sure how they approach to solve a problem. but the guy got some earnestness and I guess he will improve eventually but then the project will be finished already. 

I dont do the above often as in judge a person but then this is professional judgement and not personal hence as part of my role I need to do this and do this more often as in when giving feedback. speaking of which ,I guess I need to take that as a good opportunity for practice and give a very direct one. hmm.. let me see how that goes if I get the opportunity. I would recommend you better go with P as he is sweet and give you a better feedback than me. I have a vibe that he is also a scorpio. I also like the joker character from Batmen especially the one played by late Heath ledger shown in P's DP. 

I got to know from H that the pregnancy incident was a false alarm and it was just a physical condition. doctor gave some medicine and it went back to normal ( periods commenced) . I dont know whether what he told is right. but then the final version is " All is well" . No issues. 

I am getting  this cold/No responses from the HR team at CBRE*& . I am just thinking may be they will withdraw the offer so that I can stay here. i will just wait for their response. any way I will go there since June and see how it unfolds. 

I am feeling more and more crazy being around you these days. I wonder I might have some withdrawal symptoms if this stops( read with limits) in June. will I be able to manage it then. I am saying yes to me for now. will see when it come to that. 

chalo , i will get some sleep 

Love 

J

Letter to BM 8/5/2024

 Hey R

let me put the translation of malarial ketean song here

I pray for flowers, and you gift me a garden. 
I plead for water, and you give me Nectar.... -
What do I ask for…
What do I ask for, so you give in to me?

When I was lost in the forest, you shown-up as a path. 

When I was lost in the darkness, you came-up as a light.... 

Where should I lose myself? 

Where should I lose myself? So that you will come as yourself.

I fell in a pit; you took me to the peak.

 I fell in flood; you took me ashore..

In what should I fall?

 In what should I fall so that it can take me to you?

thank you for sharing all the pics with me. I am really enjoy watching you in all the frames. you look like a doll my love ( pink saree) . A doll which god have created to show that all the beauty and grace  in the whole world can be embodied into a person. thank you for all effort you took to get ready and present yourself in such grandeur so that mere mortals like me can kneel down and worship you , My devatha. 

but I kinda got hooked to the picture where you wearing the violet saree. if anyone need a demo to prove that saree can be a attire of grace and also , also seducing, alluring then some one should look at those pics. If I was around those days then you could have caught my eyes looking at your waist and you know where else. this set and color combo with the blouse is too good. perfect match. great choice. 

thank you 

I will catch you later with the whisper game 

huggs and hates

J

Letters to BM 7/5/2024

 Hi laddu 

I don’t know , I just love the way you dress and look these days . Haha . May be the aunty mode , you look fabulous .. I would ask often you to dress up like this . May be see you like this during 4.2 , looking forward to this . I think there is no major blockers except the my vdi setup for 4.2 . I have asked CK but he didn’t respond and I may need to follow up . Can we stick to the 4.1 schedule for 4.2 also  , that will be less risk to manage M and my folks .. like day 1 I travel , day 2 marathon , day 3 I will leave by evening( we can extend till 3 pm )  , will that be ok ?? . Or if I need to another day then I may need to manage M better especially any VC ! Let me know your thoughts.. point is I am saying I am in class and then getting a VC.. I can say no calls allowed but I am just thinking how to make less friction 

I got a NOC from my agency so my application for master should proceed . Even college said they are ok with NOC . Have time until July , I hope it should work . The exams need to be taken every 3 months . That means I need to travel which is good as per the plan . Hope I can come see you each time .. let’s try to plan it later based on timelines to plan towards 4.3 .. August I might travel but if there is an exam on September then I may not .. let’s see how it goes 

Thanks for showing me your house . Please stop PDA over phone for now . It’s ok . I don’t want you to be in trouble.. it’s better you shoot a video to show me your house  rather than call 

Letter to BM 5/6/2024

 Hi Laddu 

Back to SG routine. I don’t know I have this strong urge to hold you in my hands. To feel you against me . To smell you and touch you . To kiss on your lips and feel your body. 

Can I say further ? 

Letter to BM 5/5/2024

 Going to church now 

Updates

Home now . I didn’t stay till the end . No luck with my school crush . May be next time . 

I need to pack now . Nothing much, just make sure I don’t forget anything . I gave notice for May room in sg . I may need to forfeit my advance and need to pay some share of agent fee. Better I do that else when I come back it will be difficult to find a place to stay . My flight is at 11:10 , I might leave around 7:30 . 

Dh told me something while taking about partner number 3 and all yesterday. I was like how about increasing he number to 3 . Then she said , she have no problem , she said “ I am selfishly wishing for your happiness”. As long you are happy then it is ok for me”. 

I did shared about the “why” episode with M with Dh. She was also saying M trying to be a typical wife . You may need to set the tone for your sanity . 

Letter to BM 4/5/2024

 Hey Laddu 

I woke up now. joined the class. today is the last session, I need to submit the capstone project next week. Need to spend time on that tomorrow morning to complete it. 

saw your story and comments . have a good journey Kane. Hope you will have a good time. I wish it could rain there. how is your leg . Did you took medication with you. OC ( over caring) 

I might go visit my Niece ( Bro daughter) and my sis in law later today. Amma is behind me to go visit. May leave after class. it is like 1.5 hours from our place. May be back by 2 or 3. Will rest a while and then go for another movie (aveshamXX by Fahad FasilXX). 

I might start my networking class with the  institute there on Monday . I need to plan for the 3 days to keep M happy. 

Letter to BM 3/5/2024

 I am going for a movie . New movie tovino. 9:30 pm show .. pappa is driving F1 again . 

I know my couselling ( kit kit ) was unnecessary I will not engage much on this part . 

I was not bumbling about your tone , I was just saying that you know the answers there is no point in asking me . Thanks for multi tasking and talking to me while you were working . 

You look beautiful love during the call now . 

Please update me in blog if possible tomorrow and next few days . I will do the same . I will try my best not to miss you .. let me start the practice for UK . 

Please help me with intermittent fasting in the coming , I need to drop few kgs i gained here . 

I will update further later 

I hate you 

J

Letter to BM 2/5/2024

 Hey B 

I am sorry that I am taking the liberty by asking you to run away with me. I should not ask you like that. and you too, giving me matching responses. next time even if I ask , please ask me why. dont entertain me please. 

I dont know, I am trying to push back to M. may be I am doing a bit too much also. but I dont really like the way I being asked questions and she think it is quite normal. I dont know whether she will talk to me for few days. I called and she didnt pick. 

I guess you need to eat enough food( over caring) but I want to enjoy your sculpted body too. dont know which one to choose your comfort or sexy body. can I choose both and ask you to eat some fruits to curb your cravings or give energy. 

yeah parcel was ok . I didnt open it yet. we can take a look together tomorrow. 

hope you will have a good time at home in the coming week. I would have visited you there but it is not possible this time, may be next time. good luck on that.

of course I wanna come with you to Durga pooja, but I am scared the way things developing with M. 

will sleep now

you didnt answer my question. you want me stay or go !

hate u 

J

Letter to BM 1/5/2024 - Part 2

 Hey Laddu 

Days to come post June could be like this I guess. we may come to know each others day from the blog updates. I like the Insta Story idea. I think it can be managed and used to share some updates with out much trouble I guess. 

I am still thinking about days to come and how all I am gonna miss the opportunities to be with you.i might miss the mugshots, the sneaks , Virtual Marathons ( may be need to wait for proper time slots). 

hmm .. I should not complain. what ever I got so far is a blessing, Gift . 

I know you and I will find ways to stay close as much as possible. 

Ok I am not going to talk about this again. subject closed. will see when we get to that. will make some plan. 

Thanks for the insta updates . you looked lovely. Green suits you I think after yellow. why did you decided to change the top ?

I am dreaming a lot while I was cycling, stupid dreams about days/years to come. it is not realistic but I want to try. I really wish those dreams will come true. final goal of the dreams is anyways to be accessible to you always when possible (virtual or real).

I really believe it is not some honeymoon high or something. I would like to have you with the same intensity for ever till I take my last breath. 

My lover oh my secret lover 

mischievous daring secret lover 

The intensity of the hold you have on me 

The passion with which you embrace me 

want it till the end of my life ... forever