Letter to Laddu 26/5/24

 Hey my Laddu 

managed to send back the shoes today .A while ago courier guy came to pick it.  

I know you might be busy packing. i will be doing the same this week also once i am back . first in SG and next weekend in London too. M have completed the half of the painting rest she might do today.

i have not heard back from CBRE yet and i am not sure i need to follow up with them again. will email them again may be towards the middle of the week . 

Dear, you did asked me what if i have to settle down in UK and get busy there, will i still come looking for you or will i forget you. My answer is that you should know by now that whenever i might get an opportunity i will always run to come look for you. i will only pray to lord to give you patience. Also for my energy and good jobs to save money to make those adventures happen. i really believe we will get to explore this world together more. 

Dear, i would have sticked around and orbited around you if i got to meet you few years ago that is true. but then i have committed to some one and i dont want to hurt anyone in any more. i will make sure i have a credible story for any trips i will make to come see you. The last impression i want to leave with you if i dont come often to see you is that my love for you is waining. please dont ever think like that. 

it is just that i want to keep our connection going and i dont want to take any risks which could damage your status quo.

i will be sharing my stories, every single bit happening in my life, you will be my go to person to share not only my grief but also happiness. 

why i dont say love you back often. i dont know why, may be cause i am thinking i have not done enough to equal the love and passion you have for me. when you say you would choose me over M and i am not able to say the same to you. i have crossed lines before and i dont have the courage to do that again. 

for the sake of saying i dont want to say it also. but you must know i value you the most and i am lucky to have you. May be i am also stupid in choosing my words and expressing myself. 

My heart and mind is full of the memories from the past few days. I just felt i lived by younger days with you. each moment was special while i enjoyed your presence and love. 

For me connecting physically is also way of expressing love. It is not two seperate thing as lust or love. 

when i touch you i touch with the utmost love and care i have for you. everything i do is to make you feel comfortable and happy. yes there were moments where i indulge just for myself but then that is cause you allow me to enjoy too. 

Laddu my bharaya, it is going to be tough emotionally . Coming days might drain energy out of our connection as we may be disconnected. we might question the purpose of such a connection where we are not able to connect as much as we want. but i can say for me, even if dont talk to you or see you for days or months, one word from you saying that i am in your thoughts is that more than enough. i will be always having my heart looking out for you and hang around.

i dont know dear what future awaits for us but i will just take it one day at a time and prepare my mind for what it brings. 

thank you for you love my bharya

Love Love 

J