An open letter

 Hey Laddu ( I am just pouring my heart out here, dont think that this is to hurt you or something)

I know it is not fair to ask you the question of me coming back or staying there. It should be my choice. 

I wish we can talk about us more in detail during 4.2. 

I can see that we dont have a destination which is common for us. we are in two journeys which are set on its course. changing the course could be catastrophic for many. 

I always think that we are on a fairy tale. we are doing and experiencing things which are well beyond our liberties I can see that both of us want this to continue forever. we are thinking and staying on our own fantasy world and not thinking too much about what is yet to come and how that will shape us. 

For me, I want you with me in this journey and I wish to experience everything with you . but that is the biggest dilemma and pain point.  I know we cant have both in the long run in continuous basis. I also find my connection with M is kinda fading a bit. I am appearing as an emotionally and also physically unavailable person to M.  I am not 100% with you or not 100% with M either. I am pretty sure you are in similar lines too. 

I am thinking what is best way to manage this moving forward. 

It is the unknowns which bothers me . let me list down a few to ponder together 

1. If I go now will I be able to meet you often ?

2. If Yes, How often it is possible , once a year or twice, will that be enough ?

3. If I go now then will I be able to come back after two years ?

4. Can I Come back on July to SG ?

5. If I stay there how can I be in touch with you? blogs mostly, will that be a struggle ?

6. the connection we have will struggle ever ? are we going to drift ? 

7. How are we going to exhibit that we are just freinds to others ?

8. how we will be available for each other

hmm I only have questions

ok, let me not dwell on this anymore. I am going to go that is good for now. what future holds, let's see it when it comes to that. 

I love the New PC . It almost gives an Apple Experience. Sometimes even better.  i hope i can set up the VDI sometime this week and may be also if possible setup the New company VDI also in this PC. let us see how it goes. 

i will give my macbook to Fonz . he Needs one once he starts the college. hope he can manage with it. but it wont be good to run any 3D graphics or something. May be he can upgrade it later.