Letter to BM 8/7/24

 My part 

Why I could call you on the weekend I went to Manchester and not this weekend ? 

Cause I called you from the train toilets . This time around uncle came with me to even washroom together . I don’t wanted to take any risk. 

Why I am appearing insensitive to you ? 

Cause I did explained my part and you still assuming. Making comments that I don’t care . 

R I don’t know you remember the two things I asked you before sg trip . 1. Nothing changes between our Ms 2. Nothing happens to our connection 

I am still staying at this point , means nothing don’t want anything to change between Ms or to us . But you went ahead and experiencing deeper connections with me , comparing my journey with M , saying you don’t have special connection that too in span of weeks . 

I have nothing to do with these experiences as I have maintained the same vibe and connection with you . So I let you experience what you want to experience. It is your call . If you are making assumptions ( about connection level etc) I can stay by the side and listen to you only 

Are you a blocker for me to make chi chi with M ? 

No , absolutely not . You occupy my mind when I am with m . She  do not enjoy Chi Chi . So I don’t push it . Is she wants she will pull me anyway. 

Why I am asking you to enjoy the present and leave what happened ? 

We have very limited time for each other . May be you are available but I am not . To be honest you need some one 24X7 available. But will you be able to have some one like that .. I don’t know . I had the capacity when I was in sg . Not now . Again with AC you had similar issues . AC left you and now you want to leave me . You are not learning from your experiences 

Why I don’t have time for you ? 

I literally didn’t had today . Can I do this work some other day ? No not possible. 

Why I don’t want to see you ? 

I could survive without seeing you for a day or 2. But I do check your insta or pics in drive . I survive . I don’t want to make it a priority. May be I know you will send me a selfie or something in story . These days I am not bothered about it . I can wait for right occasion 

I don’t know R , may be I don’t know how to love or my way to express love is not matching with yours 

All I am asking is can we just take it on a day by day basis . Whatever time we get can we just celebrate each other in possible ways 

Nyt nyt R 

Love 

J