Letter to J --5th July 2024

 J, you have no idea what i am going through right now..Really feels like my head will blast...

Not able to focus on work people or anything...just lying and crying on bed from hours alone..You may say why..? i know ur mood isnt ok bcoz of M(watever u told in 15 mins) call..but wat is my fault in it..

i knew we might not be able to speak rest of the day so i dropped other call and joined to talk to u..u told u were upset, tongue is hurting..as u were dull i asked r u angry on me too..u said nothing to do with u fatak se video off kiya and went. 

Then 3 hours i kept wondering what happened to u...Were u ok...may be ur situation wasnt good there today..u were trying to manage something but kuch tho bolke jaa sakte ho na before going in teams..ya can take official bahana and tell u will be away for these hours or something...if i hadnt sent waspp message i wouldnt have even known wat happened to u..u said bye so i will understand M will be with u..But J u didnt feel like communicating through any medium to me...u knew right even i am not ok..

Ya i know u will say i need to manage my emotions doesnt have to be triggered or u said ya from 1 week u r not ok and laughed..i have know one in this world to share what i am going through..not even u...i m so poor na wen it comes to people..not even 1..

Do i deserve all these or God i decided bcoz of my past karma i ve to go through the pain..from 1.5 years i am not ok..but last year it was atleast fine..but now i feel i cant even survive after having bonding with u..

The pain is unbearable. If it continues i will definitely gonna have mental disorder..i m not as strong as u emotionally...u can stay without seeing me for days..but for me i wake up in the morning just to see u and wait for the call...

Like a mad every 5 mins i am checking insta and waspp for any update..

Yest also u said hi and i went out to bring jr friend immediately thinking u will call me..every 10 mins i was stopping scooty in road and checking was there any msg from u asking can i call karke as i had told u not to call directly and i shouldnt miss ur call in that 40 mins window karke..

Dont know J am i expecting too much or just a communication and proper paryting good bye wen u ll be gone for hours...