Letter to my KA- 24-06-24

 Dear J,

10:40 AM

Sorry, bcoz of me you had to panic. We were discussing something and call went beyond 6 AM(4 mins).

Tears are just rolling down on my cheeks..i could feel that wat u might have gone through seeing M suddenly. didnt like you in that position. 

Yes there is a urge to be with u in real, wen its not happening the urge to be at least virtual grows for me.

So keep on talking with u over VC maybe and share things which never ends..

But it doesnt mean u ve to go through something unpleasantful. 

Ya i am not ok..and dont know y i am crying..amy be bcoz u r in some situation and i cant even talk to u..

Whatever i have decided not to look for u in wapp, teams and zoom..wen you are in comfortable zone u will reach out to me..Dont know how long i can do this as resisting u is the most difficult task for me..i really hate u J and i am feeling ur pain now. U had to go through it. 

Again Sorry, maybe will take a while for me also to settle..

1:45 PM

Hmm..Dh was right.. you will sit and cry if M finds out..I can feel it the way u spoke today after M went to office..1st time i also felt shayad tum kabhi kush nahi reh paoge while staying with me in small house(if ever happens).. all this also made me think for a moment should i stop everything ..being ur bharya for ur peace maybe..

3 45: Why cant i share ur problem bolo..stupid..if u not ok how can i be ok...even u will feel bad wen i am not ok right? it is part of emotional intimacy shayad...

7 30: One thing i felt watever happens between us or even if v argue..may be both ll be on competition to say sorry or listen or talk to each other..and our chi chi ka alag baath hai..i was down poora and the moment u asked in whisper mode' kya darr lagta hai bolo' i went to complete diff zone..just vibed with u and v had a good chi chi..feeling fresh now..with u emotional physical intellectual sab intimacy i just vibe and it really gives peace re...

Thank you!

Bottom line: hopefully after many 4.s we still remain crazy for each other aise hi...

u be careful, i will wait for our time...dont take risk for blog or insta updates..

Hate u more day by day Jaanu...ummhaa...