Letter to my Jaanu---27th June 2024.

 Dear J,

Its been 3 months now, tum abhi tak nahi samja how is R karke? What does she need?

Pyaar se 2 line liko my ladoo I miss u karke.…she will come back running and jump on u to hold u tightly…Once bharya forever bharya right? If bharya thoda naraz/confused hai tho nahi manaoge kya..? 

But dear do u realize wat i am going through? Really not in a good state re..Pain in heart, pain in teeth, Pain in toe nail(its cut)...I m not ok at all...andhar hi sab bharke have to act normal in front of all...

J, really my absence se farak padta hai kya tumhe? Mera tho jaan jaatha hai re without u..I do feel breatless even if i am disconnected with u(behaving formal)..U didt realise it wen i cried saying i love u while doing WC..i want to vent out re lying on ur shoulder..

Yes we said bye around 6 30 pm on 26^th June.

Since then every 5 mins I was looking for u in insta, blog and teams..i wrote in teams around 8 Pm..then I kept checking teams for u reply…After 4 hours u posted something in insta..then u wrote in blog later..dear I missed u terribly.

U ve know idea how I slept without saying Good night to u..yes I was upset..u said the love to the core u experienced with M but doesn’t wish to experience with me as it will give pain..

Yes again I slept only 5 hours yest…

Morning was weird..1^st time with saying GM to u started my day..

Every team notification I was thinking its u…was looking for ur insta post..if I can see u..

I was so happy when u checked how I am..ya wen  u called me in zoom ya messaged in wapp(I was on call wen u msged or called before getting into train). 

Even if u hadnt said wanna see u i would ve called u re..i dot want a single day in my life without seeing u..atleast a pic is must..

Jaanu, I don’t know re wat I am to u..but for me u r my Jaan..my life..every min, even seconds I think about u.

Found this in insta, apt for me..I found my person and its u..its just that it hurts when I think I am not the same for u..

“When u look at them,

And feel in every single bone,

That u do not want to live one

Day on earth without them,

Home is where they are,

And ur hearts hurts a little bit moew

When ever u have to separate,

U should know,

U did it,

U found ur person……”

The moment u said u r coming in July too if possible..my heart pounded with joy..

Already R’s imagination started..Mumbai trip with J(now I don’t know it will happen or not).

I moment person goes away from life we will realise their value..i felt it..i missed u today.Dont know y u were not posting in insta anything..

J, this is my side of story re how i felt. 

But i dont think u also felt the same in my absence..bcoz in my mind its imprinted wat u said.."Wat i am feeling for u , u felt for M, the depth of love" tho mere liye aisa feeling kabhi nahi ayega..

Its fine even if one sided i have to accept it and stay quite..bcoz at the end i hate u to my core...with my each breath and heartbeat..which will shayad stop only once my hearts stops beating ..

Until then let me continue this journey with the doubt and confusion in my mind..Am i also special to someone? 

lots of love,

Bharya