Jaanu -R's jaan

 Jaanu...

1st time i ever i called someone with this name... why jaanu bcoz someone has become my life, my jaan , my everything maybe..

Close to 5 months now.. witnessing each others life..being part of the life..

I keep asking y do i hate u so much by burning myself with pain....like a candle burning one self to give light to others..all i know is u deserve lots of love and u need to live life to atmost...

From last fri i m acting weird and not only soaked myself in pain but also giving u pain indirectly..was thinking to pen down from a week but couldn't..

Sorry J for acting like bipolar ya spilt personality...its just that at times i try to suppress my feelings and at times i couldn't suppress it.

.So what's that feeling? Its a urge to be with u as ur bharya ... shower u lots of love with my affection and chi chi...

A feeling where I can't love M as romantic partner anymore..have respect and love as my daughter's father only....

A feeling where i can't see M as ur romantic partner doing chi chi with u..

Now question is why... maybe i don't want to share my man with anyone else...i know the reality is he os actually her man and not mine...it really hits hard..

I cant do chi chi  with M...he shouldn't feel doubt on me and also to safeguard my gaurds by making him feel he is not asking for cg6i chi and before he asks tmrw (by chance) i asked today night wen he was making jr sleep...bcoz i knew 100 percent he ll sleep off and not do.. that's wat happened..he didn't call me after jr slept instead he slept.. 

I can go numb.. but if i go then ll ve effect on u too ..as said i m extremes so with u also i ll be kinda disconnected..like will listen to but not tell anything to u..no intimate feelings.. emotionally and physically too..like i m with M...these days whatever M does will not affect me at all.. even if he sleeps with someone.

I was saying without marathon and vc and all will I feel the same emotions with u after a month? Pata nahi...

Sorry J for talking all these and spoiling ur mood too wen u want to ve ya M wants to ve some quality moments .

I know i ll be deprived of both emotional and physical intimacy which i deserve as can't have it  with u and don't want to do with M..how long i csn survive God knows...

Y i asked screenshot was just to see ur reaction at that moment..not like to see ur jagda... earlier also during another mobile episode i had asked so to know u better...a person speaks lots of truth wen angry...so u wanted to understand through chat wat u felt.. definitely got to know many things and you..like how u felt during dubai incident ya later wen M didn't give phone number for interviewing.

That's all... nothing else 

I don't know wen u said M is kanjoos like u i felt bad as mein nahi hoon wen it comes to relationship... already i always feel u spending more for our adventures not me...i never want anything from u re kabhi money wise...R kanjoos hoti tho 500 rs cake ko 3500 nahi deti to just make it special for loved ones.. 

Chalo...goon night J